Reciting my poem last night went well, though it was the strangest poem selection out of the bunch. I think that the process of memorizing these two poems this semester has been a good exercise for me, but I don’t think I’ll ever be the kind of person/poet who wants to just sit around and memorize poems for fun. I’m not sure I absorb the music or rhythm the way other poets do. It’s just so hard to spend so much time working on something to forget it within a week. I don’t think I’ll ever assign memorization to a poetry class that I’ll teach, but we’ll see if I stick to my anti-memorization guns down the road… Maybe all memorizing and reciting a poem should be is a rite of passage?

I also got some positive reactions about my Uncle TJ/bunny ghazal and a revision of a different ghazal (making it free verse), so last night was a good last night of poetry. We might be meeting up next week for drinks, since class is over. Hopefully my schedule will allow that.

I’m trying to finish my research paper this week, but we’ll see how that goes. I’m trying not to put any pressure on myself, because I know it’ll get done. There is no pressure with deadlines, according to my Teaching Comp. & Lit instructor. Today was a tough day. I feel like every time I tell a new person about Uncle TJ, my heart breaks all over again. The worst has been everyone asking me how my Thanksgiving was. People look at me funny when I say “ok”. They all had great Thanksgivings. I’m left after mine thinking– how will Thanksgiving ever be the same for me? This is our second Thanksgiving death, the first being my great-grandpa Harry. I try not to give more information unless they keep asking, because it’s too easy for me to start crying—I’ve always been too prone to tears, I guess.

The whole situation is just so unreal. The reason why I haven’t posted much of an update is because there is no update. No death certificate has been issued, despite the fact that the body was released and buried. It’s like I’m stuck in a bad Lifetime movie. Even the worst CSI: Miami episode would be better than this…we don’t have a Horatio to save us. I am stressed and helpless. There is nothing I can do, one state over or otherwise.