Now, you might find yourself saying to yourself, “Who is Brian Johnson, and why should I care about what he thinks about Seinfeld?” This is not a reasonable question. Brian Johnson isn’t just a character in The Breakfast Club. He is, in fact a real person, heroic and credible. I met Brian Johnson in the first semester of my freshman year, as he was a TA in my chemistry lab. Brian also shared one of the greatest nights of my life, an impromptu hangout in Woodfin/Weaverville–though only by proximity as he slept on the couch and suffered from the worst food poisoning of all time induced by a UNCA cafeteria turkey burger. (I had puked several hours earlier, and thankfully recovered quickly). Brian Johnson truly deserves no introduction, but I gave you one anyway. Read and enjoy!

1) The Opposite – George realizes that everything he’s ever done has been wrong and Jerry convinces him that if his instincts are wrong then the opposites have to be right. Hilarity ensues. I also love the part in this one where Elaine gets kicked out of her apartment building for letting Jehovah’s Witnesses in that never leave (among other things).

2). The Blood – I would argue that the ninth season of Seinfeld had some of the better episodes of the series. This is my favorite of those episodes. George achieving a trifecta of food, sex, and television. The scene where Mandelbaum shows up and Jerry’s apartment is covered in sausage “What in the Holy Hell?”. The very end with Vivian and George is great.

3). The Maid – “I’m on the corner of 1st and 1st. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the Nexus of the Universe.” I love the familiarity of the conversation that opens the episode (I actually think it’s the greatest opening of a Seinfeld episode). I really appreciate how tired of everything Jerry seems during his conversation with George and you get a real feeling that the series is winding down.

4) The Revenge – This is an early episode. I love the idea that George should just pretend he didn’t quit his job. In real life Larry Charles actually did that and it worked when he was writing for SNL. In addition I really like the laundromat plot. This is the introduction episode for Newman…who spends the whole episode threatening to kill himself and fails when he tries to jump from the second floor.

5) The Fusille Jerry – From the “Assman” to George’s rant about mechanics I think this is one of the funniest episodes of the series ever made. Kramer putting the moves on Estelle now that she’s single is hilarious “He stopped short!”. George taking crib notes to bed and getting caught is a really funny moment. Plus this is the introduction of Putty to the series. “Do you know what a good mechanic is worth? You can’t compare that to sex.”

6) The Susie – I want to make an entrance that grand someday. Kramer as a go between is gold. Jerry’s attitude through the whole episode about Susie, her murder, and his affairs with both Susie and Elaine make this episode hilarious. I really like episodes where Jerry has the chance to act like a lunatic.

7) The Dog – Mainly for George’s description of “Ponce De Leon”: “When Ponce looked in that mirror and saw that he hadn’t changed, and that tear started to roll down his cheek? … I lost it.” The general feel of the episode reeks of early Seinfeld and the first sign of how dependent everyone is on having Jerry be a part of their friendship becomes really evident.

8 ) The Deal – It shows how people involved in a sexual relationship can’t have both “this” and “that”. I love that Jerry gives Elaine 182 in cash and a note that reads “to a wonderful girl, a great pal, and more”. George decides to give a gift that’s half as good so he won’t show Jerry up…..91 dollars.

9) The Note – “I think it moved!” I love George’s insecurity going off the deep end through the whole episode. Just like has been stated, Joe Dimaggio dunks his donuts. This episode is just really solid and I personally enjoy it a lot.

10) The Abstinence – I love the reason that George decides to have sex at the end of the episode. Kramer becoming hideous due to smoking is wonderful as well. It’s a good. I had to put a Jackie Chiles episode somewhere on this list. It’s also pretty funny when Jerry refuses to have sex with Elaine and she asks if Kramer is home.

Honorable Mention – The Merv Griffin Show – Why does it cost so much? They have to get special tiny instruments. Also, who drinks an entire box of wine?